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Recipebook from the Milonguita

miss mitra's magical cupcakes

1. Make sure you have oil and three eggs at home. Any kind of oil is okay, just your basic cheapo vegetable oil works fine.

2. Go to Gristede's and find the Baking Needs section. Here you will find a large assortment of things one might need in order to do baking. You want to focus on what are commonly referred to as "Cake Mixes" but which ACTUALLY are "Cupcake Mixes". Don't tell anyone, this particular fact is a big secret that most people don't know until they very carefully read the back of the box.

3. Now you will probably be overwhelmed by the assortment of choices. You will say, "My Goodness and Good Grief, How will I EVER decide which of these luscious looking Cupcake Mixes to purchase???" Well have no fear because for your convenience I can give you some critical pointers for cupcake mix selection.

4. First of all, we all know Betty Crocker is supposed to be great. So you may be tempted by the Betty Crocker "Super Moist" line. While I have worked with these products and must admit that they do yield excellent cupcakes, I don't recommend them. And the reason why is simple: it's the packaging.

Of all the three main-label choices (Betty Crocker, Pillsbury, and Duncan Hines) Duncan Hines has the far superior packaging. I mean, look at it. The beauty shots of the cake and frosting are pretty much enough to make you drool right there in the aisle. You'll see a thick slab of cake on its side, totally creamed with like an inch of frosting. A forkful of cake with a perfectly proportion of frosting is being tantalizingly held out to YOU the buyer to taste. It looks wonderful! It looks dreamy and delicious! And it sure looks moist! So, even though you might compare the ingredients panels and realize that the three products are absolutely identical in every way, if you're at all like me you will shell out the extra couple dimes for "Duncan Hines Moist Deluxe" all because of that pretty picture, and you know what? It will be worth it. Because, you want to enjoy your Cupcake Baking Experience to the max, and you just frankly won't get as much out of it if you have to deal with the lame-o pictures that are on the front of the Betty Crocker or Pillsbury boxes.

5. Now that you've picked the brand, you have to pick a flavor. I highly recommend Lemon. It has quite a nice flavor. The Pineapple is not very pineappley and it actually so subtle that it is rather confusing, and noone will be able to tell what it is. Chocolate is always a good choice, and Spice is totally excellent. A word to the wise - although the Fudge Marble looks really good, and also tastes really good, it involves some complex operations with respect to the "marbling" part so I don't recommend it if it is Friday night and you are already late for the milonguita.

6. Now, it is time to select the frosting. Now, even thought in Step 5 I spurned Pillsbury as a candidate cupcake mix, I highly recommend "Pillsbury Creamy Supreme" as a frosting choice. Why? Because of the Pillsbury Doughboy, stupid! The Pillsbury Doughboy is the coolest character in the history of packaged goods branding, and I think we as Americans should all damn well support him as much as we can, in general. The added advantage of Pillsbury Creamy Supreme frosting is that it is, according to the truly EXCELLENT packaging it sports, "Whipped with Pudding". I don't know what the hell this means but it sure sounds totally delectable, and highly appropriate for cupcake-related work.

7. While you are still in the Baking Needs section, you need to buy a pack of Reynolds Bake Cups. Don't even consider any other brand, Reynolds is the best. I highly recommend the FOIL bake cups which are much cooler that paper and give the cakes a sort of art-deco feel, especially when they are tastefully arranged on a large metal platter (and Carina does have such a platter).

8. Now it is time to select Decorations. This is a VERY important step but it's a very personal one so you're pretty much on your own. I should note, however, that in Gristede's (at least the one on 1st avenue and 57th), cake decorations are in the nuts section, which it in a totally different part of the store than the Baking Needs, which I always find a little odd and more than a little irritating.

A premium decorations brand new on the market is called "India Tree" and their products are not only highly appealing tastewise but also come in extremelely elegant little shakers. I should warn here that if you choose to try a Decorating Gel (and if you do I recommend Cakemate brand, with the cute little flowers on their tubes) make sure you wait until you get to your destination before applying the gel, because the stickiness of the gel makes it very difficult to transport the cupcakes efficiently without damaging your cupcake-artwork. If you do use gel and it doesn't work out then feel free to call me because I will understand how very sad you are. One time I make a whole batch of cupcakes and, using Cakemate Decorating Gel I drew adorable little faces on each cupcake. It took me like two hours. Then I put all the cupcakes in a platter and covered them with Saran Wrap which stuck to the decorating gel and when I readjusted the Saran Wrap, all the faces came off of the cupcakes! Needless to say at that point I sat down and cried copiously, right there in the middle of my kitchen, and cursed my fate, and then I had to wipe away my tears and !@#$%% REDO all the stupid cupcakes, and I got to the Milonguita LATE anyway, and then Henry said, "Mitra Where Are the Cupcakes?" and when I showed him the cupcakes which looked a little weird by that point he said "They look weird today" whereupon I told him to just go stuff it, because I was sick of it all, the cupcakes, the decorating gel, the Pillsbury doughboy, and Henry too. The moral of the story is that cupcake-baking can be a very emotional experience, but hey, don't let it get you down. Anyway, Decorating Gels are located back in the "Baking Needs" section, not in the nut section.

9. Now you have everything you need to bake Miss Mitra's Magical Cupcakes. Go home and follow the directions on the back of the box and you will end up with 24 delicious cupcakes in a little over an hour! Bon appetit!, or, as the Pillsbury Doughboy would say, "Hee hee hee HEE!"