TriANGulO
Carina Moeller's studio
for Argentine Tango
(btwn 6th & 7th Aves)
New York City, NY, 10011
(212) 633-6445
map
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TriANGulOCarina Moeller's studiofor Argentine Tango |
135 West 20th St, #301 (btwn 6th & 7th Aves) New York City, NY, 10011 (212) 633-6445 map | ||||
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The perfect attitude at a dance is a mixture of gaiety and decorum: gay hosts who are still mindful of their guests' well-being; gay guests who, while enjoying themselves, are still aware of their responsibilities as guests. Granted this attitude as the ideal, the rest of good behavior at a dance is a matter of technique.
The first rule of manners, as always, is that guests must say good evening to their hosts, and this applies to all dances. At a subscription dance, if members of the committee are receiving, guests must greet them. At a dance in a college fraternity or sorority house, guests must say, "How do you do?" to the chaperone or housemother. If the hostess is dancing, men guests who come alone must cut in; women guests greet her at the earliest possible opportunity, perhaps on the floor but certainly before supper. If the host is dancing, he will usually stop for a moment to greet newly arrived guests, particularly a woman. But men guests must find an opportunity to nod or bow, at least, in greeting.
As stated in the chapter concerned which the manners of the young, all men guests should dance with the following at least once:
If a man has been "brought" to the party by a woman guest, or by a subscription party member, he must dance repeatedly with her and invite her to have supper with him. "Will you have supper with me?" is the classic question. It is also very polite, but not mandatory, for a man to dance with the two women between whom he sat at dinner. (See also "Night Clubs," page 455.)
The classic phrase used in asking a woman or girl to dance is, "May I have this dance?" A more modern and direct, and equally correct, variation is, "Will you dance with me?"
To either of these queries a woman may smile and reply, "Yes indeed, thank you." If she wishes to refuse, she need only say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not dancing just now." If she cannot convey by the tone of her voice the idea that her refusal is not a criticism of the refused partner she might add, "Won't you come and sit with us, anyway?" or some such friendly remark. Unless she wants to be pointedly rude, she must never refuse one partner only to accept another immediately without explaining that she is waiting for the other man.
Cutting in offers an excellent example of the direct connection between manners and sociological facts: It is unheard of in settled and traditional European society, but it is an accepted part of manners in America, where there was probably a chronic shortage of women at every dance from 1650 to 1900. At most American dances today, this is the accepted form for cutting in: When a man wants to cut in on a couple who are contemporaries or friends, he taps the man's shoulder or touches his arm, without comment, or perhaps with a short, "Cut, please." When he is cutting in on an older man, he goes up to the couple, bows to catch the older man's eye and, without touching him, says, "May I cut in, please?"
"Cutting back," which is against all rules, even among the youngest dancers, means cutting in on the same man who has himself just cut in. For example, if Miss A is dancing with Mr. B and Mr. C cuts in, Mr. B cannot cut back. He cannot dance with Miss A until she has a new partner, or until the music stops.
"Getting stuck," or dancing overlong with one partner, is probably one of the nightmares of every young girl who goes to dances in America. The milder foreign equivalent is called "having no partner," but it lacks the sting which "getting stuck" has for the young. And very often it is only thanks to the duty-dance rule that it is not a young hostess' nightmare also. Just as cutting in is an example of the connection between fact and manners, so getting stuck is an example of the time lag which often occurs between a new fact and an established pattern. At a certain moment in this century, there were for the first time as many women as men in America, and although there are always more men than women at a dance, the pattern of the men's behavior is based on a shortage of women more acute than the present one. A new system will certainly have to be devised unless men guests will take more seriously their obligation to dance at a dancing party. Abroad, a man returns his partner to the place where he found her unless another partner comes to claim her. Here, a few hostesses have seen the wisdom of this system and, when the ballroom is big, have arranged tables around it to which couples who have danced enough may retire. But too often there is no system and women, who are responsible under the code, must rely on whatever makeshift arrangements they are clever enough to devise.
The beginning of wisdom is to accept the fact that one has danced long enough with one partner and that he might like to change. A woman who clings for hours, pathetic though she may be, will not soon dance with that partner again. Failing that perfect refuge, a table and a group of friends, she should suggest leaving the floor quite quickly, as soon as getting stuck seems likely. The classic phrase for this is, "It's so hot -- would you like a drink?" or, "Let's sit down for a bit." Once away from the floor, she and her partner should join a group of friends -- better a group than a couple -- unless a man comes up to speak to her, at which point her partner may slip away. At a dance where there are not many extra men, or where few of the extra men are dancing, she will probably find several couples in the same situation; it is quite easy to change the combinations of partners during a general conversation, and the problem of getting stuck with one partner is solved for the time being, at least.
It is not too difficult, perhaps, for an older woman to accept the fact that she is not the universal ideal of a dancing partner, but it is not at all easy for young girls. When the situation seems completely out of hand, when there are no friends sitting in groups and no boys she knows anywhere in sight and everyone else is dancing gaily, the best thing to do is to go home. Young girls who come in a group to a chaperoned dance may ask the chaperone to make arrangements for them to leave; or, better still, her parents should make a previous arrangement with her, so that she can telephone and be fetched if she wants to come home before the dance ends. A girl old enough to go to a party with a man can ask him to take her home, on the plea of being tired or feeling ill.
Finally -- although this has nothing to do with manners except in so far as it is part of a proper sense of values -- parents should not urge their daughters to go to dances unless the girls want to go; and women should not feel that if there is a dance and they are invited they MUST be there. A dance should be fun and if it isn't, there's no point in it.
Saying good-bye to one's hosts is as binding as saying good evening. And, as in the case of saying good evening, "hosts" means housemothers, chaperones, and reception committee members, not only the hosts in a private house or at a private dance. (The forms are in "Entertaining at Home," on page 441.)